


I have made mistakes

by finstocksimaginaryfriend



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e07 Currents, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Canonical Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, Pep talks, Scotty McPeppy, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finstocksimaginaryfriend/pseuds/finstocksimaginaryfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d like to say he finds Derek holed up in the dark; lights turned off and curled in a ball, shaking with intensified emotion. But that would be a lie. Not that it would make any different really. Just being the stereotypical scene doesn’t make it the only way to grieve. Instead he finds Derek with the lights on, sitting in the observation deck, stance open and elbows resting calmly on his knees as he stares off into the middle distance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I have made mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> I spent a full day figuring out a title for this. It was Scotty McPeppy for the longest time.  
> Unbeta'd because I just can't be bothered to go through all that and bug [Paige](http://merlinsbearditsthedoctor.tumblr.com/) with all that on these weekly ones I've been posting. You can find me [here.](http://finstocksimaginaryfriend.tumblr.com/)

Scott finds Derek at the ice rink.

He managed that of his own intuition.

Scott had thought he was finding Derek of his own volition – now he’s pretty sure Stiles and Lydia were the ones that planted the idea. He preferred it when they had a one-sided obsession going on and their paths never crossed unless forced, and then only briefly. They’re too influential, too manipulative; too capable now they’re friends.

Thinking on it he’s pretty sure they hinted at where he should look too.

Still, he’s taking the ice rink as his own ingenious – because he _is_ smart, sometimes it’s just a little less apparent than his friends. So he takes his credit where he can.

* * *

 

Technically it was the next day when Scott received the news. A little gone midnight. Stiles had rung saying he and Lydia would be over shortly, they were driving Isaac back.

(Isaac had tried to stay; he’d fought silently to stay. Cora had been the one to tell him to leave them be, recoiling when he hissed that Boyd was his friend too. But she stood fast. Asked him to get Jennifer home safely. When Derek chocked out a single ‘please’, he’d finally relented.)

The three of them had sat Scott down, Isaac keeping in constant contact with Stiles the whole time, and explained that Boyd was dead. At Derek’s hand. By no fault of Derek’s own, it had been quite literally forced and the electricity had made him helpless to take back his claws.

Since Isaac was shaking they agreed to reconvene in the morning and Scott showed Lydia to the spare room before returning with the intent to stay by Isaac. When Scott’s dad had left and again when Stiles’ mum had died Scott and Stiles had spent nights clinging to each other, so he was more than happy to be there for Isaac now. Yet a flash of disappointment ran through him when he returned to his room to find Stiles had blown up the air mattress and was currently lying on it with Isaac wrapped limpet style around him. They didn’t even know each other that well. Or like each other for that matter.

Still, it made a kind of sense. Stiles had been there too, while Scott was off with Deaton.

* * *

 

Awaking the next morning to the smell of pancakes and an empty room Scott made his way downstairs to find Stiles at the stove. Isaac was decidedly not touching him this morning but still kept himself within a three foot radius of Stiles at all times. Swallowing back the rejection, Scott leant against a countertop.

‘Sleep well?’ He asked, forcing the inquisitive smile to be genuine.

‘Well enough not to wake you,’ Stiles shot back, his laughter and wink dissipating the harsher undertow. ‘Pretty restless but as good as you could have wished for.’ He shrugs, finally being serious. ‘Right, Isaac?’

Isaac merely nods and Lydia chooses this moment to flounce in, already dressed and made-up in contrast to the three boys’ t-shirts and underwear get-up. She tuts disapprovingly and asks, ‘What are we eating, Stiles?’

‘Pancakes.’

‘Well I can smell that, but what flavour?’

‘Maybe you should have been a little more specific. Chocolate-chip of course.’

They continue to snipe easily at one another until Stiles piles up the pancakes onto a plate and they turn to revising the events of last night in detail again as they eat.

Scott starts to regret not going with them to Derek’s – the Sheriff had found Deaton after all and Scott had been helpless there. But he quickly chides himself because he hadn’t known he wouldn’t be able to save Deaton; hadn’t known Stiles’ dad would be able to find him (even if he should have known this, the Sheriff has Stiles investigative ability increased tenfold). He hadn’t known Boyd would die. In fact he’s pretty damn sure he made the logical and right decision, even if things went tits up in the end.

It was in this talk that Scott is pretty sure the two manipulated him into going on a search for the local Alpha. Every now and again they’d slip Derek into the conversation and muse on where he’d have gone - _‘I’d hate to stay in the place Boyd died and his house won’t do much’_ \- casually going through where he probably wasn’t and hinting the location he holed himself up in might have some connection to Boyd. Yeah, looking back on it they were totally scheming.

It was also after this conversation that Scott told Stiles he had to talk to him urgently and they made plans for later that night – he was pretty sure he’d need his friends aid in figuring out this ‘True Alpha’ business; right now just didn’t feel like the right time to bring it up.

* * *

 

So Isaac had left with Stiles, and Lydia had gone to check on Ms Blake before agreeing to go talk to Allison. She was the only one still on fully positive and friendly terms with any of the Argents and everyone agreed, even if they’d given up hunting, they should probably be informed of the blossoming war.

And that’s how Scott found himself searching out the town for Derek’s trail. Problem is, of course, Alpha’s have the ability to mask their presence. So Scott had to return to more mundane investigative methods.

Finally (after many an hour of searching) he ended up at the ice rink.

* * *

 

He’d like to say he finds Derek holed up in the dark; lights turned off and curled in a ball, shaking with intensified emotion. But that would be a lie. Not that it would make any difference really. Just being the stereotypical scene doesn’t make it the only way to grieve. Instead he finds Derek with the lights on, sitting in the observation deck, stance open and elbows resting calmly on his knees as he stares off into the middle distance.

‘What are you doing here, Scott?’ Derek asks as he takes the seat beside him and simply shrugs. ‘What do you want?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Well, I’m fine, if that’s why you’re here.’ Derek sounds sceptical and Scott can imagine the rise of his eyebrows even if he can’t see the older man.

‘Are you?’

‘ _Yes_.’ Derek bites out and Scott shrugs again.

‘Well I’m not, so I hope you don’t mind if I sit with you for a bit.’

After Derek grunts they fall into a silence as they both stare at the far wall for a handful of minutes before Derek finally says: ‘If you weren’t alright you’d be with Stiles, not me. We both know that, Scott. Why are you here?’ And he sounds weary, older than he usually does.

‘Truth being told I’m pretty sure Stiles and Lydia sent me. They were being subtle about it though, so it may just be solely on me.’

‘Well I told you, I’m fine. I don’t need you checking up on me like a babysitter, Scott, I’m _fine_.’

‘Really? You’re tougher than me then, because I wouldn’t be. Wasn’t. I wasn’t fine when I thought you died.’ That makes Derek flinch and Scott’s sure he should take that as an apology because if Derek was a little more normal that’s probably what he’d be offering right now.

‘How’s Deaton?’

‘He’s alive, if that’s what you mean. They surrounded him in mountain ash and he was dying, so there was a scary moment there. Then Stiles’ dad arrived and shot Deaton down. Single fire. It was pretty badass actually. Though the Sheriff probably needs telling sometime soon, I’m not sure how much he saw.’

‘I’m glad all went well on your end.’

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you, but I don’t regret going to save Deaton. I didn’t know how badly things would go with you, but I am sorry.’

‘Not your fault – you didn’t kill him.’

‘Neither did you.’ Scott replies instantaneously, because even if he might not like Derek he sees he can’t exactly blame this one on him. ‘What’s happening with that anyway? What’s the cover?’

‘Deucalion said he’d deal with it. I don’t trust him, but he’s probably more equipped at this than I am. They want me to kill the rest of my pack and join them now.’

In this moment Scott thinks about telling Derek about being a ‘True Alpha’, about what the Alpha Pack want with him, but decides it’s a problem that can be faced tomorrow. ‘The Alpha Pack wants a lot of things that we’re not going to give them, Derek, not even as a last resort.’

‘I wouldn’t give them Boyd’s body. They wanted it, said it’d be easier. But I refused; I don’t want them to have him – dead or alive.’

‘What’re you going to do with it, then?’

‘Peter said he’d bury him next to Erica in our family plot.’

* * *

 

Later that night Scott will check that Peter has done just that and pay his respects. Just to find a bunch of the flowers Stiles usually leaves at his mums grave – white tulips – and Cora sleeping across the headstone, tears long since dried but their memory still visible.

He won’t know what to say. Apologising for not being there will do no good. So he’ll just stand quiet and awkward for a while before eventually turning to leave.

* * *

 

Here, however, they sit in heavy silence once more as time ticks by. If Derek was Stiles, or Isaac, or Allison, or even Lydia or Danny, then Scott would put his arm around him, pull him in and just sit still. Content to be offering physical comfort. But Derek’s not like any of them; Scott and Derek don’t get along on the best of days, and Scott doesn’t think that Derek would let himself be touched by Scott. So he refrains. He’s starting to understand a little what it must be like for Stiles, always itching and fidgeting and just needing to _do_ something. Which is what leads him to blurting out what he says next.

‘You know, in the face of everything, you’re not _too_ shitty an Alpha.’

Instead of getting angry or causing Scott any harm, Derek merely scoffs. In fairness it sounds dejected and with a hint of hurt but for the most part just dry and unamused. Still, the fear of his reaction turning sour keeps Scott frozen for a few more moments. The only explanation he can come up with is that Derek’s become used to this kind of thing somewhere between Peter and Stiles and having bitten a group of teenagers. Oh, that’s a point.

‘Just refrain from biting anymore teenagers, ok? We said it was a bad idea at the time and I still think it was. Try for someone a little more…mature next time. Teenagers are unfocused on a good day, trust me, I still am one.’

‘I do remember what it’s like to be a teenager, you know. It wasn’t that long ago.’ Derek turns to face him and smirks slightly, but he must see something disbelieving in Scott’s face because he continues. ‘You want control. Everything seems so out of your jurisdiction and pre-decided and final. Like every decision will affect you for the rest of your life and fifty percent of them will disappoint everyone and you’re just lost, being dragged along with the rapidity of it. You want a semblance of control. I gave them something they could rule over and I only bit those that I thought it would help.’

‘Yeah, I guess out of everyone to choose from you may have picked the three most vulnerable but also the ones that would gain the most from it.’ Scott nods along, because while he still doesn’t agree with the choice he can see that it could have been worse. ‘Except Jackson. Jackson was a mistake in anyone’s book.’

‘Jackson…was a major lapse in judgement. Truthfully I regretted it even before I bit him.’

‘We did try to warn you. Jackson’s a douche-bag.’

‘Yeah, but I was also one. I didn’t help him out when he was becoming a Kanima. Just backed away because I didn’t understand. I was a pretty shitty Alpha and if I’d been better we might not have had to deal with all those deaths. Erica and Boyd might not have died.’

‘You know, you’re not _that_ bad of an Alpha. Sure, you’re not perfect but you’re doing pretty good.’

‘They left, Scott, they left because I wasn’t good enough and it got Erica killed. Then I still wasn’t good enough and Erica’s murderers got Boyd; they’re both dead because of my inability to protect them.’

‘Hey, I’m not saying you were perfect. But you’re a hell of a lot better than Peter was. He forced me to do things against my will; he didn’t ask me for the bite; he didn’t prepare me at all. You did all you could for them and they were ridiculous to leave – they weren’t going to find anything better. I don’t know much about werewolf packs but I can guess most wouldn’t take on two stray, teenage Omegas that had only been bitten months before and could barely control themselves. They chose of their own accord to leave, it was in no way your fault that they left or that Erica died because of it. Boyd wasn’t your fault either, you couldn’t have stopped it. There were three of them, all Alpha’s.’

He doesn’t really think he’s convinced Derek fully, but the older man does seem a little calmer now. His body less falling open and now held in a relaxed way, as if he’s gotten some form of strength back and can hold himself up again. They remain for an unknown amount of time before Derek finally pushes at Scott’s head until the boy leaves him be.

* * *

 

At home his mum tells him Stiles called earlier to say he couldn’t make it. Apologising intensely and promising to be round in the morning. Lydia called him earlier to talk over what had happened and Ms Blake. Then Isaac had started freaking out back at the old train-cars so they’d ended up over there. Long story short Stiles and Lydia were staying with Isaac for a while.

He understood, he did and he couldn’t exactly be angry with Stiles after all the times he’d blown his friend off for Allison. Hell, it wasn’t like anyone would immediately die if Stiles didn’t come – unlike one or two occasions when Stiles had relied on him (they’d hugged it out, Stiles had got that he couldn’t answer, Scott had made it in time, no one died, they’re cool now).

Furthermore his mum had heard the news. The whole bloody town had heard the news. Wanting to know what was going on, she got him caught up in telling her all about the night before.

(His brains must have come from his mum, though not quite as sharp as hers, because she instantly asked about the Sheriff. What he knew, knows, what he’ll think, who’s going to talk to him, how Stiles is dealing with it. What he’ll think of another of Derek’s companions dying. She says she’ll ring him to casually inquire and buy them some time if she can – ‘ _it’s a problem for later honey’._ It’s a problem he hadn’t really considered yet).

Then he showers. Under the hot spray allowing himself to come up with a game plan on the whole ‘True Alpha’ thing. Because he’s not sure he’s ready yet. Getting that it’s about his personality being suited to the title doesn’t exactly help the unease when he’s so uncomfortable with his wolf. When he still doesn’t revel in it the way Derek and Isaac do, still distrusting it and wanting to be human again. In the morning he’s going to have to talk to Stiles and do some research before they go question Deaton. Then Derek’s going to have to be told. Oh lord he’s going to have to tell Derek he’s an Alpha himself now. They’ll probably turn to Peter as well, in which case Stiles will be in a bad mood for days.

Jesus.

Lying down on his bed; Scott has his second panic attack since being bitten by Peter all those months ago.


End file.
